i think my tv is drunk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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