i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
