I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
