I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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