3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize