Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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