this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
