Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
