I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
