but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
So many bounce houses so little time
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.