Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment