I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.