so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.