You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship