My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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