He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.