I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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