Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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