Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
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He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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