I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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