So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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