um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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