I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
