put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
