Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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