Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
