id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
