sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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