The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
