First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
