mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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