Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
