maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
