driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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