this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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