You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
