Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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