I think I won the penis lottery.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
