this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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