I can text with my tongue
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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