you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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