dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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