I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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