According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
