yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
