when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
