ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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