dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
