Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
