either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
