Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
