I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
