oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This toilet bowl is my home.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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