Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
how does that bad decision feel?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
