I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
