Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
that may or may not have been my penis.
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