i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
