so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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