I will die if light touches me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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