Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
