I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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