I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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