Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
