I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
