On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
