Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
