UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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