At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
